Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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