God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
