If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Naked. naked and bneed help.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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