He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
