i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
