sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
