bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
