I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
