I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i think i just lost a toe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
