Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
