I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
