The maid of honor just puked.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
