Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
