I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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