I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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