I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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