Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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