dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize