I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
