Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
