the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
