i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
did i just pee glitter
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
