honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
