DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
