Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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