i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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