Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
