Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
