matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
