I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
