upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
