Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
