So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
