You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
