so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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