This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
