You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
