But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
