Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
