Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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