I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
