I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
