I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
