I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize