so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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