it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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