I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
