i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
