Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
