And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
