people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
