A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
