were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize