Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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