I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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