He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
