i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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