Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
