I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
