I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
