Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
