Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize