I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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