Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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