A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's never too late to be topless.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
