Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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