I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got her a Nickelback box set.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize