How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
