She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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