does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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